Open letter

Dear highschool girl who is incapable of removing her blanket of insecurity for approximately 7.5 seconds,

I am sitting here enjoying my favorite flavor of Activia yogurt: peach. My leftover pizza is at the perfect temperature and I have a Horizon Organic Chocolate Milk. There are no teachers or smartboards to take notes from. It's just me and my food. Yum.

And then you show up.

"Will you stand in like with me? I need to get a cookie and a fork."

I know you don't play sports, so this 20 yard walk to the front of the cafeteria is probably considered your daily exercise. Unlike you, however, I regularly engage myself in physical activity, so I am not interested in burning the 3.2 calories it will take for me to walk to the line, stand there while you mutter your order, and then walk back to the table.

I have absolutely nothing to gain from this. Except a deep urge to tear out your eyelashes one by one which are so heavily drowned in mascara I could scoop it off with a spoon.

I know this along with your entire bottle of concealer on your face is not enough to hide under. You are insecure. You need someone to attach your hip to. Someone like me. Although listening to how you have broken up with your boyfriend for the seventh time in two weeks which makes me feel like I'm in an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians sounds tempting, my Horizon Organic Chocolate Milk is unfortunately keeping me here.

It is tough for you, I understand. I know what you are thinking when you see someone walking to get a spoon by their lonesome. You can't help but to picture what you think is their miserable, hopeless life. You think they spend their weekends sorting through Pokemon cards and learning the Navi language hoping their skills will get them higher on the totem pole at school. They are losers.

You need to get over yourself.

If you don't already see your counselor, please do. If you do, you should see him or her more often.

I am a strong human. I am a dying species.

Sincerely,

Almost Extinct